Weird People

In a city of five million people, some of them are bound go crazy eventually. Each of these people I see on a pretty frequent basis, and each of these people I want to ask, "what the hell is your deal?" So let the freak show commence.

1.) "Homeless" lady with an iPod:

I call her homeless only because she kind of looks like a vagabond, smells, and is constantly begging on the street corner by my house. To the normal, untrained eye she would look like your average homeless person. Slightly destitute, standing in the same place for long periods of time, and begging for money. I encountered her for the first time shortly after arriving in Madrid. I know you're not supposed to give homeless money because they may buy

a.) drugs
or
b.) alcohol

but I tend to give them five cents here and there just as a good deed for the day. She always stood on the street corner by the plaza in my neighborhood with her house hand out, but I never paid her any mind. The first time I approached her to give her a donation, I already had my hand in my pocket, feeling around for a 5 center. Shortly before approaching her, I realized something strange. There was a white string hanging out of her ears, running down through her jacket, into her hand. In her hand was what appeared to be an iPod video. At that moment, I jammed my hand back in to my pocket, determined not to ever give her my money. For most people, this would seem like a mean gesture, but I have my rationale for my actions. Although she may have stolen the iPod, she would at the very least need a computer to charge it. If she had a computer, she would need a place to plug it in, presumably a house. And finally, if she had a house, then she clearly didn't need my money. She's a fraud. If you're going to fake being homeless, do a better job at it.

2.) Latino short guy with the worst case of short guy syndrome ever.

If you get on the number one line at Atocha at 5 PM and get in the first car, you will no doubt see this "man". I use the term loosely because he's about a foot and a half shorter than I am (mind you I'm just under six feet). This man instantly plows you over to get on the metro to assert his male dominance. After almost pushing you in to the gap between the platform and the Metro itself, he manages to take up as much room as possible. If you're not familiar with the situation, Atocha (the main train station in Madrid) is quite busy during this time, so space on the Metro is at a premium. Having a 4'6" man take up the space of a 6'3" 375 pound man is quite an inconvenience. While he's occupying a space large enough to land a Black Hawk helicopter, he likes to take his tweezers out of his pocket and go to town. This is not acceptable. This is tantamount to clipping your toe nails in public. However, this man does not tweeze the normal spots. No nose hair, no uni-brow. This man tweezes his goatee. I don't know if he has a hormonal balance, but if you have so little facial hair that you need to tweeze it, you should just give up on facial grooming. After littering his shitty goatee hair all over your bag (which he does every day, mind you), he plows over you on his way out of the Metro, b-lines it up the stairs, and pushes an old lady in front of a car.

To close I will leave you with the weirdest. Not weird because of what he does, but because of the context in which he does it.

3.) Creepy crying guy who cries outside of his apartment building once a day.

Now I know people have emotional issues, and everyone cries sometimes, but everyday? Really? It's sad. Truthfully, I want to stop and talk to him one day, ask him what's wrong, but I have a feeling he might be a serial killer that lures people in that way. When I say he's crying, it's not the "oh man, I'm stressed, a good cry would do me some good" cry. It's the "my mom, my wife, the president, and my dog were all in a plane that crashed into a nunnery" kind of cry. He just sits there and bawls his eyes out. Hard. And let me tell you, that makes the 30 seconds it takes to walk past him seem like an eternity. Hopefully he gets the help he needs.


And thus ends my post about the many weirdos of Madrid. Trust me, I could fill the Library of Congress with this shit.